Arthur Thacker
2008-06-17 09:26:47 UTC
1. Hull isn't actually called Hull; rather, its full name is
Kingston-upon-Hull. This is stupid because there is no river called Hull and
there isn't a place called Kingston there neither.
2. Hull was once the largest city in Europe and had a population in 1876 of
just under 17 million.
4. Most gypsies live in Hull. In fact, the city is the pikey capital of the
western world. It is estimated that an item of unwanted white goods is
taken from the side of an address in the city and thrown into the back of a
caged Transit pick-up by men with no teeth and a whippet every ten seconds.
5. Eight of of ten people in Hull are on some form of state benefit, though
it is said that, of these, seven out of the eight also work as well.
6. Which doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
7. Theatre and screen legend Sir Tom Courtenay was born and brought up in
Hull, and is the President of the Hull FC Supporters' Club.
8. But he doesn't go to games because he's too busy playing Othello at the
Old Vic.
9. Hull is home to what was once the World's longest single-span suspension
bridge - the Humber Bridge which goes over the river Humber. It was built in
1971 at a cost of £20 billion and took only four months to complete.
10. TV funny man and gravity-claimed dead children's entertainer Rod Hull
isn't from Hull. He was actually from down south somewhere, but changed his
name to Hull after getting his first big break at the Hull Hippodrome in
1958.
11. Good job he wasn't playing Chipping Sodbury, then.
12. The Beautiful South are from Hull. But not that fat piece who's from St
Helens and shops at my local Morrisons. The ignorant cow.
13. Hull has only one football team but two rugby league teams - Hull FC and
Hull Kingston Rovers. And they're both shit.
14. Singer and impressionist Joe Longthorne is from Hull. The bent
talentless twat.
15. And so is John Prescott, though he was born in Cheshire. He lives in
Hull with his fat ugly wife and had lots of secretaries what he shags all
the time.
16. Hull featured in an 'Only Fools And Horses' special once called 'To Hull
And Back'. And it was about as funny as a Moors Murder.
17. Hull has its own telephone exchange, and there are no BT lines at all in
the city. It's the only place in Britain what hasn't got none. Their phone
system is called Karoo, and it's a pile of wank.
18. More people smoke in Hull than anywhere else in the UK. It is estimated
that eleven out of ten people in the city have at some time lit up.
Consequently, Hull doesn't have a smoking ban like the rest of the country.
It's allowed.
19. Hull still has the death penalty, unlike the rest of the UK. Among the
crimes for which hanging is the mandatory punishment are: murder, rape,
arson, armed robbery, rape, fraud, pickpocketing, shoplifting, rape,
embezzlement and rape.
20. In 1947 Hull City (then playing in the old Division 3 North) became the
first British club to be invited to play in Europe.
21. Actually, that's a lie.
22. During 2007 Hull was seriously flooded when two years' annual rainfall
fell on the city in only twenty seconds. This caused the entire city to be
inundated by several million tons of effluence. Fortunately, nobody noticed.
23. Until 1765 Hull was an uninhabited island off the East coast of Britain;
under an act of Parliament it was annexed by King William VI and dragged to
the mainland by big ships.
24. Hull has the highest population of prostitutes in Europe, with an
estimated 89% of all the city's women being on the game at some point.
25. While the other 11% will gladly take it up the arse for free.
Kingston-upon-Hull. This is stupid because there is no river called Hull and
there isn't a place called Kingston there neither.
2. Hull was once the largest city in Europe and had a population in 1876 of
just under 17 million.
4. Most gypsies live in Hull. In fact, the city is the pikey capital of the
western world. It is estimated that an item of unwanted white goods is
taken from the side of an address in the city and thrown into the back of a
caged Transit pick-up by men with no teeth and a whippet every ten seconds.
5. Eight of of ten people in Hull are on some form of state benefit, though
it is said that, of these, seven out of the eight also work as well.
6. Which doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
7. Theatre and screen legend Sir Tom Courtenay was born and brought up in
Hull, and is the President of the Hull FC Supporters' Club.
8. But he doesn't go to games because he's too busy playing Othello at the
Old Vic.
9. Hull is home to what was once the World's longest single-span suspension
bridge - the Humber Bridge which goes over the river Humber. It was built in
1971 at a cost of £20 billion and took only four months to complete.
10. TV funny man and gravity-claimed dead children's entertainer Rod Hull
isn't from Hull. He was actually from down south somewhere, but changed his
name to Hull after getting his first big break at the Hull Hippodrome in
1958.
11. Good job he wasn't playing Chipping Sodbury, then.
12. The Beautiful South are from Hull. But not that fat piece who's from St
Helens and shops at my local Morrisons. The ignorant cow.
13. Hull has only one football team but two rugby league teams - Hull FC and
Hull Kingston Rovers. And they're both shit.
14. Singer and impressionist Joe Longthorne is from Hull. The bent
talentless twat.
15. And so is John Prescott, though he was born in Cheshire. He lives in
Hull with his fat ugly wife and had lots of secretaries what he shags all
the time.
16. Hull featured in an 'Only Fools And Horses' special once called 'To Hull
And Back'. And it was about as funny as a Moors Murder.
17. Hull has its own telephone exchange, and there are no BT lines at all in
the city. It's the only place in Britain what hasn't got none. Their phone
system is called Karoo, and it's a pile of wank.
18. More people smoke in Hull than anywhere else in the UK. It is estimated
that eleven out of ten people in the city have at some time lit up.
Consequently, Hull doesn't have a smoking ban like the rest of the country.
It's allowed.
19. Hull still has the death penalty, unlike the rest of the UK. Among the
crimes for which hanging is the mandatory punishment are: murder, rape,
arson, armed robbery, rape, fraud, pickpocketing, shoplifting, rape,
embezzlement and rape.
20. In 1947 Hull City (then playing in the old Division 3 North) became the
first British club to be invited to play in Europe.
21. Actually, that's a lie.
22. During 2007 Hull was seriously flooded when two years' annual rainfall
fell on the city in only twenty seconds. This caused the entire city to be
inundated by several million tons of effluence. Fortunately, nobody noticed.
23. Until 1765 Hull was an uninhabited island off the East coast of Britain;
under an act of Parliament it was annexed by King William VI and dragged to
the mainland by big ships.
24. Hull has the highest population of prostitutes in Europe, with an
estimated 89% of all the city's women being on the game at some point.
25. While the other 11% will gladly take it up the arse for free.